2020 Scholarship Recipient

This is a song I wrote called Think Wide Open, in October of last year. Below are the lyrics to my song.

feeling lost
being pulled so many different ways
what’s my calling and what just likes to call my name
i wish a higher power could explain
what i was put here for
know i gotta look to myself but
i don’t know if i’m the best person to trust

following the footsteps of someone else or walking aimlessly and seeing where that leads me
i gotta choose
but my head and my heart both don’t wanna lose
so i’m gonna
think wide open

surrounded by countless ideas that don’t make sense
control is something i need but when it comes to this i think it’s time to release
i know i’ll find my way
just you wait and see
i just need a second to breathe
so i can
think wide open

a part of my life is coming to an end
some things i hope i’ll never forget
i just hope i can always
keep my heart open

When I wrote this song, I had been going through a period of uncertainty. I was navigating the college process by learning as I go and also getting used to senior year. When writing “what’s my calling and what just likes to call my name,” I was contemplating what messages I should be listening to- to follow money or follow passion, and if the two could ever intertwine. Reflecting upon it months later, I feel much more confident in what I chose. I plan on studying political science. Activism is extremely important to me, and I have already dedicated a lot of my life to using my voice to support those that need to be heard. I run clubs centered around LGBT+ rights, climate change and the Latinx community. When deciding to click political science on my first application, I thought of how special the idea of community is, and how providing knowledge to people can create a more welcome environment for those that might feel alone due to their individuality.

The pre-chorus of this song describes my fears of settling on being what people expected and becoming so discouraged I decide to stop trying. The line “following the footsteps of someone else or walking aimlessly and seeing where that leads me” is another example of the back and forth that I experienced during this time of my life. Being a senior about to begin a new stage in my life, I still have no idea how to correctly approach the situation. However, I realize now that there is no one way to navigate this time of my life, and I should gravitate towards what makes me feel full of purpose and motivation. I decided to write the pre-chorus as if I was experiencing a revelation in real time to show that sometimes our answer is to be open to anything and have faith that what is meant for you will be yours.

The idea of thinking wide open is special to me, and I try to apply it to my life wherever I go. Being both Latino and a part of the LGBT+ community, I can understand feeling like no one understands who you are. For me, the concepts of true identity and phases are often juxtaposed against each other. Identity is made up of phases- every year I collect versions of myself I never had before. I can draw from them when needed. The last verse is about me realizing this stage of my life will eventually finish and I will be experiencing a completely new way of life in college and beyond. I have hope that wherever I am in the next few years, I can use how I felt in my song to give me strength to power through.


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